5 Actors We Didn’t Think Would Have Dicks This Big

We like dicks of every shape and size, but when a unit approaches eggplant territory, we take notice. Today we’re checking out actors who we didn’t think would have dicks as big as they do. These actors aren’t just a pretty face; they’re a full package. I mean, the full package.

Whether it’s eschewing The Joker’s downstairs or underestimating what mild-mannered character actor Jesse LaVercombe could be smuggling in his underwear, today, we have egg on our face. While we’d much rather have something else. Let’s get into it, shall we?

See these 5 (uncensored) scenes

What makes German stud David Schütter’s nude scene in 8 Days so notable is that he appears hung in ice-cold water. That’s how you know you’re working with a bratwurst. 8 Days is about the lead-up to a giant meteor hitting Germany, and David makes the most of his remaining time by beckoning a woman into the lake while buck naked. You don’t have to look too closely to see that he has a big bobbing cock, despite the frigid temperature. Did I Schütter?

Next it’s Patrick Schwarzenegger in the season three premiere of The White Lotus. Don’t get us wrong, the Governator’s son has swagger for days, but who could have known that he’d reveal the biggest cock from any season of The White Lotus? Schwarzenegger flaunts his jumbo junk while looking at porn in front of his brother. That’s putting the family in family jewels.

Right in the middle of our list of five actors we didn’t think would pack this much heat is Jesse LaVercombe in the horror movie Violation. The mild-mannered character actor is simply adorable, but having mostly peeped him fully buttoned up, we didn’t have the bandwidth to picture his big dick. His raging hard, bouncing, throbbing big dick. My bad, Jesse.

Joaquin Phoenix is most famous for portraying The Joker, and you can breathe a sigh of relief that I never thought to picture The Joker naked. In fact, Joaquin is so synonymous with the role that we forgot to give Phoenix his flowers for being a sexy daddy. All was rectified at the end of Eddington when Phoenix revealed his big dick - and equally huge balls - in his first ever frontal nude scene.

Our number one guy who we didn’t think would be packing a double-wide unit is Siddhartha Rajan in Easy. But maybe we should have. Life has taught us that skinny nerds are always the walking tripods, but we forgot that golden rule when we met Rajan three episodes into season two of Joe Swanberg’s Chicago set romance series. Siddhartha’s toilet paper roll cock is at full mast as he has a refreshingly awkward bedroom encounter.